Friday, October 31, 2008

Two Rules and Teriyaki

“I have two rules, always know the name of the guy you wake up by in the morning, and always know exactly when you should be going to start your period.” Jackie told us all with a mouth full of chicken teriyaki.

“Wow, you are pretty strict on yourself, huh.” Holly said sarcastically.

“I do have standards, and I believe both of those to be very important things to keep straight in my life.” Jackie said.

“Have you ever broken one of your ‘rules’?” Kim asked her.

“Yes, well, technically it wasn’t a rule at the time so I guess I didn’t really break it. But I did immediately make it a rule to know the guy’s name before I go to bed with him,” Jackie said. “I actually called him the next day to ask him his name and tell him that I would not be frequenting his bed ever again.”

“Did he know your name?” I asked.

“Nope, complete strangers. Pretty classy, huh?”

“At least you learned a lesson from it, and at least he left his number so you could call and clear things up,” I told her, trying to make the story as positive as possible.

“Actually, he didn’t leave his number, and I snuck out without even saying goodbye,” Jackie said. “I called my friend who was his friend and had introduced us and luckily he had Kyle’s, that was his name by the way, number.”

“When did you make these rules for yourself?” Kate asked, popping a piece of French bread in her mouth.

“Back in college, junior year I think.”

“Well, I think a lot of women live by your second rule.” Kim said. “Actually I think most women live by both of those rules. They just don’t necessarily think of them as rules but rather as habits.”

“I suppose so,” Jackie said. “I’ve never really thought about that, but I bet most of them haven’t had to make them ‘rules’ because of personal experience. A bad experience at that.”

“What made you make the second rule a ‘rule’?” Kate asked.

“Bad scare about a year ago,” Jackie said. “I was three weeks late and had been sleeping with Randy off and on for three months. I was spooked out of my mind, and would have rather told my anti-premarital sex hometown preacher before I told Randy about it. He would’ve freaked out.”

“Why didn’t you tell any of us about it?” I asked her, a little hurt that she didn’t let me help her get through her tough situation.

“I guess I thought if I ignored it enough it would go away,” Jackie said, still holding a too calm and laid back tone about the experience. “I finally went to the doctor when that third week rolled around and still no monthly monster. Turned out it was a false alarm and no baby. Dr. Jennings didn’t even act surprised when I jumped to hug him. Guess he gets that a lot from single girls my age.”

“I’m sure. Especially in a college town.” Holly said. “I’ve had a skip or two. Nothing that ended up with a doctor’s visit, but enough to make me an avid birth control pill popper.”

“I remember when I found out I was pregnant with Macy,” Kate chimed in. “I was scared to death and threw up three times before Jon got home that evening. I was so worried about what he would say.”

“I didn’t know Macy was a surprise.” I said.

“Oh, yeah, total surprise,” Kate said. “Guess we had gotten lazy about stuff, and it slipped up on us. Jon was great about it though, and loaded me up to go to Babies R US that evening to look around. From then on it was the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“Well, I want it all some day,” Jackie said. “I just have several steps to take until then. Let’s see, there is getting a boyfriend, keeping a boyfriend, getting engaged, staying engaged, getting married. Maybe by the time I am fifty I will at least have the steady boyfriend accomplished.”

“I am so ready for kids,” Kim said. “Sometimes I go into Kids’ Palace just to see what new nursery stuff they have in. You all should’ve seen this cherry wood baby bed they got in last week. It was kind of like a sleigh bed. Precious!”

“You have got to be kidding me,” Holly said. “Try being around twenty second graders all day. That is the best birth control a single woman could ask for. It is amazing how fast Sweetie Susie can turn into Satan Susie.”

“You don’t want kids?” Jackie asked Holly.

“Not at the moment,” she replied. “Maybe if my husband is an all-star dad and willing to do most of the leg work.”

“I think you’d make a great mom,” I told her. “You are great with your students. You can’t fool me. I’ve seen you in A plus teacher action.”

“What about you Lex,” Kate asked me, “Do you and Blake ever talk about it.”

“Only in brief spurts,” I said. “He wants two or three, same as me. We agree on a lot of it, but it sure doesn’t make us think twice about preventing a baby boom from happening. He won’t start anything in bed until we are fully equipped, which is nice, and we both want to be married first. Marriage before carriage, he says.”

“Brian gets nervous when we start talking about kids,” Kim said. “He worries so much about money and a house and all that stuff. I think it will be a long, long time before I am actually going into Kids’ Palace for a reason. Hell, at the rate we are going, it will be a while before I am going into the Bridal Boutique for a reason.”

“I just hope to be wearing a wedding gown before a hospital gown,” Jackie said, “and you all know me. It’s not like I am little Miss Traditional Goodie Good, but I do think that is the sequence to roll with.”

“I agree,” Holly said, “and I am not very conservative or traditional. It’s not like I look down on anyone who gets pregnant and then married or not married at all. But I think it is more considerate to everyone, especially the kid, if you get married, have a kid, and here is the kicker, stay married.”

“Ah, the biggest obstacle of life, marriage without divorce,” I said. “Now that is something Blake and I do completely agree on. Neither of us wants to get divorced and we both promise to make damn sure that we don’t rush into something that may lead to that and to do everything in our power to keep it from happening after vows are exchanged.”

“Same here,” Kim said. “My parents got divorced when I was in high school and it sucked. They never even seemed to fight, and then all the sudden they sat me down to tell me they are getting a divorce. One of the worst days of my life, no doubt, and now everything is split up and hard to balance and more of a hassle.”

“Jon and I have never, knock on wood, even had a fight that caused one of us to sleep on the couch,” Kate said. “I can’t imagine having one that could end in divorce.”

“Unwanted babies and divorce, all cause for the establishment of rules,” Jackie said. “Know their name and know your date. And those are rules that are NOT meant to be broken.”

Kate’s Chicken Teriyaki

2 lbs. boneless chicken breast
2 Tbls. Olive oil
1 cup Teriyaki sauce (we use Landry’s brand)
2 cups frozen broccoli florets
3 cups brown rice (quick cooking)
2 ½ cups water

Cut chicken up in 1 inch pieces. Heat olive oil in a large pan and cook chicken until browned. Add water and bring to boil. Add rice and broccoli, reduce heat and cook until rice is tender. Add teriyaki sauce and stir until evenly coated. We like this with a warm loaf of French bread. Yum!

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Tricks & Treats

“If you are going to be all grown-up and serious about this then we are making you go home.” Jackie said, readjusting her huge purple witch’s hat over her long black wig.

“I’m not. I am just saying that I don’t really see why we have to get all dressed up to hand out candy to a few snotty-nosed kids.” Kim whined, pressing down on her fake green fingernails.

“Because I want to, and because I get what I want,” Holly told her. “I love Halloween, and it is always more fun when you dress up. Besides, what other time of the year can you show who you really are inside, Kimmie?”

Even Kim had to smile at that smart little comment, lightening up a bit. Her long green and black ragged dress hung down to her ankles, making her five foot two inches look even shorter than usual.

“Well, I think we all make lovely witches. And I am completely into these fake eyelashes with glitter. Think they would go over well at the next PTA meeting?” Kate asked, fluttering her ridiculously long, shiny lashes.

“They do bring out the green in your eyes,” I told her, “but I’m digg’n the black satin gloves even more.”

Kate raised her arms in the air like a game show model. Her sleek gloves fit tightly from finger tip to elbow.

“Don’t you love them? They just make me feel glamorous,” she said. “I’m a glamorous witch. Like Glenda, you know on The Wizard of Oz. Now she was a babe.”

“I bet you leave those on for Jon tonight,” Jackie said. “And the fishnet hose.”

“Maybe,” Kate said, lifting her black dress up around her knees to show off the fishnets. “The kids are at a Halloween sleepover tonight, and you all know what that means for Mom and Dad.”

“No, I don’t know. Please explain,” Kim said with a blank look on her face.

“Oh, shut up,” Kate said, throwing a small pillow in Kim’s direction.

The doorbell rang and we all jumped up to answer it. We were greeted by Superman, a princess, and a ninja, all about three feet tall. Holly gave them each a handful of chocolate candy and waved them goodbye.

“I remember when I would get homemade popcorn balls from our neighbors. They were my favorite. There’s no way parents would let their kids eat those now days,” Kate said. “Even I wouldn’t let my kids eat anything homemade if they got it while trick-or-treating, and I consider myself to be a pretty care-free mom. It’s sad really.”

“Just the way things are,” I said. “My parents used to let my brother and I go around our entire neighborhood by ourselves to trick-or-treat. If parents were to do that now, I’m sure there would be an Amber Alert out in no time.”

“Even though it has changed, it is still a fun time for kids,” Jackie said. “Besides, they weren’t around when it was more laid back so they don’t know any different. To them, the way things are now is just fine and dandy. Hell, they’re getting candy from everyone and not getting bitched at by Mom for eating it all. What could be better than that?”

“Very true,” Holly said, “kids get tons of chocolate candy and guys get tons of eye candy. I mean how many Halloween parties have you been to where at least ninety percent of the women were not dressed like total skanks?”

“Zero,” Jackie said, “but then again I am usually one of those skanks, so I don’t really mind. But it is always fun to bash the ones who just can’t quiet pull off the Daisy Duke cutoffs.”

“You know that guys go to those things knowing that they will be taking home a hooker for no charge,” I said. “It is pretty easy to pick out a sure thing when she is wearing nothing on top of her lingerie in public.”

“You all are making me a little nervous about this party Brian went to tonight without me,” Kim said. “I mean I am dressed in an ankle length dress and he is probably staring at a six foot blonde with bunny ears on right now.”

“Oh, come on, Kimmie, you know you have nothing to worry about,” I told her. “What party is Brian at anyway?”

“One that his old college roommate is throwing a couple of blocks over. He dropped me off here on his way.”

“Well at least you know he won’t be taking the playgirl home,” Holly said. “I mean he has to come pick you up, right? And I think the green finger nails and dark purple lips are pretty irresistible on you.”

“Thanks, I was thinking about keeping the look for awhile,” Kim said, biting the head off of a sugar cookie ghost.

“Well, if you are going to keep the purple lips then I am going to keep my eyelashes,” Kate said, fluttering them again. “Man, I love these things.”

The doorbell rang and we all raced to give some candy to the spider, puppy dog, and fairy trick-or-treaters. As they walked off, Brian’s car pulled up by the front curb. He got out and walked toward the door, and then she got out to follow. She wasn’t wearing bunny ears on top of her blonde hair, but little red devil horns instead.

“Oh, crap,” Jackie said under her breath. “This better be good.”

The girl stumbled up the front walkway behind Brian.

“Kimmie we have to take Terri home,” Brian said. “She obviously can’t drive.”

We all looked towards Kim ready for all heck to break loose. She was unusually cool and calm, smiling even.

“Go figure,” Kim said, running to help the sexy devil walk straight. “Everyone, this is Brian’s little sister, Terri.”

“Oh, thank God.” Holly said. “This whole scene looked really bad, Brian.”

Brian realized what was going through all of our heads prior to his sister’s introduction. “Ha, I can only imagine what all you ladies were silently calling me.”

“Pretty much everything that is four letters long,” I told him, giving him a hug and kiss on the cheek. “But I take them all back now.”

“If there is one thing I have learned,” Brian said, “it is to keep your woman happy and her friends happier. Now, if you lovely witches don’t mind, I am going to take this one home and see what all spells she can cast on me.”

Kate’s Favorite Popcorn Balls

9 cups popped popcorn
1 large bag miniature marshmallows
¼ cup butter
3 or 4 crushed up Butterfinger candy bars
Orange food coloring
Cooking spray

Spread wax paper for your popcorn balls to go on out on a flat surface. Make sure your popcorn is in a large enough bowl to stir in the other ingredients. Crush up Butterfinger bars and put in a small bowl. Put the marshmallows in a microwave safe bowl and cut the butter in chunks in the same bowl. Microwave on high about 1 and a half minutes. Take the marshmallows out and put a few drops of orange food coloring in before stirring until well melted and evenly colored. Pour the marshmallow mixture over the popcorn, add the crushed Butterfinger. Toss until well coated and mixed. Spray cooking spray on your hands and form the popcorn mixture into 2-inch diameter balls. Place on wax paper to cool.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Play Time and Pumpkin Pie

“There is nothing worse than when you get all in the mood for some hot romance and your guy says or does something so stupid that it completely kills the mood.” Kim said this with the tone of experience behind it.

“Blake does that every once in a while,” I said. “Sometimes he says something cocky that just rubs me the wrong way. Like ‘bet you have been thinking about me and this all day’ or ‘guess you just couldn’t wait to see me, huh’. I mean sometimes it doesn’t even bother me, and then sometimes it is like, ugh, shut up and get away from me you arrogant ass.”

“Bet he calls that a mood swing, huh,” Holly said. “At least that is what Cody, ya’ll remember Cody, right? Anyway, that’s what he called it.”

“Yeah, sometimes he is just like ‘What?’ and I don’t want to tell him and get all into it so I just say ‘nothing’ and go ahead with it all. Guess I should explain myself more, but like I said, sometimes it doesn’t even bother me at all.”

“Well, what I meant is when Brian comes home and I have everything just perfect,” Kim said. “You know, candles, satin sheets, lingerie, all that, and he goes straight to the fridge and gets a beer.”

“Would it be different if he got a bottle of wine and two glasses?” Jackie asked.

“It would if he brought them in the bedroom for us to drink together,” Kim told her. “But what he does is twists off the cap, takes a few chugs, turns on ESPN, checks some scores, and then comes in the bedroom. Usually he'll take his pants off and gets in bed ready to rumble. With his socks still on!”

“Would it be different if he took his socks off?” Jackie asked again, with a grin.

“Oh, shut up Jackie,” Kim said, shaking the can of whip cream to top off her pumpkin pie.

“I see your point,” Kate said. “Sometimes, on those rare occasions where we have no kids and the house to ourselves, I want to do something romantic, a little foreplay, and all Jon wants to do is get after it. No romance whatsoever.”

“I think that is men and sex in general,” Holly said. “Unless it is something really kinky, which I only do after large quantities of alcohol.”

“Yeah, right,” I said, “we all know you like it kinky. You don’t need to lie.”

“Do ya’ll think I need to tell Brian how much it bugs me when he does something like that?” Kim asked. “Or should I just ignore it and go with the flow? I mean he does have his sweet times too, I just wish they would synchronize with my own timing.”

“I would tell him,” I said. “But do it like, tonight. Not when it actually happens. If you bring it up beforehand then maybe it won’t be such a big deal or even happen again. If you bring it up when it happens, it will probably offend him and piss him off and then neither of you will get any.”

“Any what?” Jackie asked, looking confused. “Oh, never mind, I get it,” she grinned and shook her head as she finally caught on.

“Ok, so I guess we can talk about it tonight,” Kim said. “Maybe even after sex, just to make sure he is all calm and cool and less likely to get butt hurt about it all.”

“Sounds like a good plan to me,” Kate said. “If there is anything I need to talk to Jon about but I’m afraid he may get upset or offended by it, I will do it after some hot sex. He is always way more open to my ideas and opinions after a good romp.”

“Stuff like that is why I am so glad to be a woman,” Holly said, shoveling a huge fork full of pie in her face.

Holly’s Perfect Pumpkin Pie

1 graham cracker crust
2 (4 servings) boxes Jello vanilla instant pudding
1 (16 oz) canned pumpkin
2 cups cold milk
1 tsp. pumpkin pie spice
Whip cream

Combine 1 box of pudding, ½ cup of milk, pumpkin, and pumpkin pie spice in a bowl and beat well together. Put in refrigerator. In another bowl, combine the other box of pudding and 1 ½ cups of milk and beat well together. Put in refrigerator for 1 hour. Layer half of the pumpkin mixture on the bottom of the graham cracker crust, and then put all of the vanilla pudding mixture, and top with the rest of the pumpkin pie mixture. Refrigerate if not serving immediately. Serve with whip cream.