Tricks & Treats

“If you are going to be all grown-up and serious about this then we are making you go home.” Jackie said, readjusting her huge purple witch’s hat over her long black wig.

“I’m not. I am just saying that I don’t really see why we have to get all dressed up to hand out candy to a few snotty-nosed kids.” Kim whined, pressing down on her fake green fingernails.

“Because I want to, and because I get what I want,” Holly told her. “I love Halloween, and it is always more fun when you dress up. Besides, what other time of the year can you show who you really are inside, Kimmie?”

Even Kim had to smile at that smart little comment, lightening up a bit. Her long green and black ragged dress hung down to her ankles, making her five foot two inches look even shorter than usual.

“Well, I think we all make lovely witches. And I am completely into these fake eyelashes with glitter. Think they would go over well at the next PTA meeting?” Kate asked, fluttering her ridiculously long, shiny lashes.

“They do bring out the green in your eyes,” I told her, “but I’m digg’n the black satin gloves even more.”

Kate raised her arms in the air like a game show model. Her sleek gloves fit tightly from finger tip to elbow.

“Don’t you love them? They just make me feel glamorous,” she said. “I’m a glamorous witch. Like Glenda, you know on The Wizard of Oz. Now she was a babe.”

“I bet you leave those on for Jon tonight,” Jackie said. “And the fishnet hose.”

“Maybe,” Kate said, lifting her black dress up around her knees to show off the fishnets. “The kids are at a Halloween sleepover tonight, and you all know what that means for Mom and Dad.”

“No, I don’t know. Please explain,” Kim said with a blank look on her face.

“Oh, shut up,” Kate said, throwing a small pillow in Kim’s direction.

The doorbell rang and we all jumped up to answer it. We were greeted by Superman, a princess, and a ninja, all about three feet tall. Holly gave them each a handful of chocolate candy and waved them goodbye.

“I remember when I would get homemade popcorn balls from our neighbors. They were my favorite. There’s no way parents would let their kids eat those now days,” Kate said. “Even I wouldn’t let my kids eat anything homemade if they got it while trick-or-treating, and I consider myself to be a pretty care-free mom. It’s sad really.”

“Just the way things are,” I said. “My parents used to let my brother and I go around our entire neighborhood by ourselves to trick-or-treat. If parents were to do that now, I’m sure there would be an Amber Alert out in no time.”

“Even though it has changed, it is still a fun time for kids,” Jackie said. “Besides, they weren’t around when it was more laid back so they don’t know any different. To them, the way things are now is just fine and dandy. Hell, they’re getting candy from everyone and not getting bitched at by Mom for eating it all. What could be better than that?”

“Very true,” Holly said, “kids get tons of chocolate candy and guys get tons of eye candy. I mean how many Halloween parties have you been to where at least ninety percent of the women were not dressed like total skanks?”

“Zero,” Jackie said, “but then again I am usually one of those skanks, so I don’t really mind. But it is always fun to bash the ones who just can’t quiet pull off the Daisy Duke cutoffs.”

“You know that guys go to those things knowing that they will be taking home a hooker for no charge,” I said. “It is pretty easy to pick out a sure thing when she is wearing nothing on top of her lingerie in public.”

“You all are making me a little nervous about this party Brian went to tonight without me,” Kim said. “I mean I am dressed in an ankle length dress and he is probably staring at a six foot blonde with bunny ears on right now.”

“Oh, come on, Kimmie, you know you have nothing to worry about,” I told her. “What party is Brian at anyway?”

“One that his old college roommate is throwing a couple of blocks over. He dropped me off here on his way.”

“Well at least you know he won’t be taking the playgirl home,” Holly said. “I mean he has to come pick you up, right? And I think the green finger nails and dark purple lips are pretty irresistible on you.”

“Thanks, I was thinking about keeping the look for awhile,” Kim said, biting the head off of a sugar cookie ghost.

“Well, if you are going to keep the purple lips then I am going to keep my eyelashes,” Kate said, fluttering them again. “Man, I love these things.”

The doorbell rang and we all raced to give some candy to the spider, puppy dog, and fairy trick-or-treaters. As they walked off, Brian’s car pulled up by the front curb. He got out and walked toward the door, and then she got out to follow. She wasn’t wearing bunny ears on top of her blonde hair, but little red devil horns instead.

“Oh, crap,” Jackie said under her breath. “This better be good.”

The girl stumbled up the front walkway behind Brian.

“Kimmie we have to take Terri home,” Brian said. “She obviously can’t drive.”

We all looked towards Kim ready for all heck to break loose. She was unusually cool and calm, smiling even.

“Go figure,” Kim said, running to help the sexy devil walk straight. “Everyone, this is Brian’s little sister, Terri.”

“Oh, thank God.” Holly said. “This whole scene looked really bad, Brian.”

Brian realized what was going through all of our heads prior to his sister’s introduction. “Ha, I can only imagine what all you ladies were silently calling me.”

“Pretty much everything that is four letters long,” I told him, giving him a hug and kiss on the cheek. “But I take them all back now.”

“If there is one thing I have learned,” Brian said, “it is to keep your woman happy and her friends happier. Now, if you lovely witches don’t mind, I am going to take this one home and see what all spells she can cast on me.”

Kate’s Favorite Popcorn Balls

9 cups popped popcorn
1 large bag miniature marshmallows
¼ cup butter
3 or 4 crushed up Butterfinger candy bars
Orange food coloring
Cooking spray

Spread wax paper for your popcorn balls to go on out on a flat surface. Make sure your popcorn is in a large enough bowl to stir in the other ingredients. Crush up Butterfinger bars and put in a small bowl. Put the marshmallows in a microwave safe bowl and cut the butter in chunks in the same bowl. Microwave on high about 1 and a half minutes. Take the marshmallows out and put a few drops of orange food coloring in before stirring until well melted and evenly colored. Pour the marshmallow mixture over the popcorn, add the crushed Butterfinger. Toss until well coated and mixed. Spray cooking spray on your hands and form the popcorn mixture into 2-inch diameter balls. Place on wax paper to cool.